*SIGH*

i don't even want to talk about it.

and i don't want to talk about how what could've been the most awesome of all weekends turned out to be quite craptacular either.

stuff i meant to blog about

these are the things i've been meaning to share but i either never got around to it or didn't have a whole post's worth of things to say about it.

i saw janet in concert last month with my cousin and my sister. despite it not being a sold out crowd she put on an AWESOME show and both my sister and cousin had a ball. it was their first time seeing her in concert. i also took them both to their first prince show. my cousin said i was a whore going around poppin' everyone's cherries. lol at her. highlights for me were seeing janet dancing real hard a la american bandstand when she performed young love and when she did the first part of "got til it's gone" over slum village's "hold tight."

i also saw terence blanchard earlier this month. if you don't know he's the trumpeter guy that does the scores for spike lee's movies. they have this show they travel with where he plays his music from those movies with different featured vocalists. for the performance i attended, spike lee introduced the show and the featured vocalists were patti austin, bilal, and raul midon.

can i just say that OMFG patti austin is AMAZING and i'm in love with her? of the two songs she sang, her rendition of make sure you're sure (from the jungle fever sdtrk) had me nearly in tears. her voice is so pure and perfect and effortless. i was really only familiar with her work with quincy jones ("betcha wouldn't hurt me" is my JAM) and i didn't remember her sounding like that. bilal and raul were good too - especially when raul went note for note against terence with his mouth trumpet. that sounds nasty...heh.

i saw an elephant while driving to burlington coat factory.

i also saw a fapmobile when i was leaving party city. i couldn't get a picture of the guy driving it but he was pretty mature.

oh and i got those shoes i wanted. they were on sale plus i had a discount code. i can't wait to wear them. and don't say nothing about my pale, hairy legs.

match dot com is wack

© the mixmaster

okay so like this past january my homie and my sister convinced me to sign up for match. never one to pass up a bargain, i reluctantly paid $20 for a six month subscription. now they have this six month guarantee where if you don't find someone in six months they give you another six month for teh FREE. being the jackass i am i was determined to get my six free months - not because i wanted to be on there for six more months but because it was for teh FREE. needless to say, i got my free six months.

while many others have had success on match, i am not able to say the same. the most i've gotten is a phone call. i have a theory about why this is so but i'll save it for another time. at any rate, earlier this month i got all pissy about the current state of my dating life and was going to update my pictures and profile but something weird happened. men who weren't old enough to be my grandpa and could actually form complete sentences began emailing me. my hope was restored!

still nothing has popped off yet but i'm optimistic. most recently i've been emailing back and forth with this one guy who seems cool and funny. just minutes ago i got an email from him with his telephone number suggesting i give him a call. he made sure to mention that the female on his voicemail is his sister.

for real, son?



i mean...



really??



fk match dot com

boo this woman

all week i've been looking forward to having dinner with my peeps tomorrow night at mojave grille. one of my co-workers has raved about this place and i've been wanting to try it forever. so i sent out the evite and got the responses. i called today to make a reservation and all their big tables are booked. i have to do call ahead seating tomorrow and they'll add an extra seat to a four-top (is that restaurant speak?).

i'm sure to any normal person this isn't a big deal. but now i'm scrambling to find a back-up restaurant in case they can't accommodate us. and i had my mouth FIXED for a chorizo & chicken empanada.

but yeah basically i fkd up. i should've called the restaurant earlier but who knew this place was poppin like that? i mean it's byob for goodness' sake. there are four other ppl with their mouths fixed for mojave too and i let them down!

FOR SALE

size 8 gladiator wedge
worn approximately 5 minutes
gel pads included

wtf was i thinking?

i mean what in the world would make me think i could possibly wear 4" heels (even though they were wedges) traipsing around the uneven streets of nyc in search of sustenance and then stand for hours on the hardest floor amongst all music venues? must've been all that tunisian myrrh i inhaled (jokes n jokes n spaghetti).

i had this dress in mind to wear to the j*davey show last night (yup, saw them again) but i wasn't completely satisfied with my choice of shoe. so i hit the mall in search of something better and left with the aforementioned pair of sandals. now i knew in my heart when i bought them that they were going to hurt. but they were so dang'on meOW i had to get them. i told myself, "self, just buy some footpads. you'll be gellin!" when i got back to my office i compared my two shoe choices (the 2nd choice being a pr of kitten heel metallic slides) and even emailed pics to my homeboy for his opinion. he said the wedges gave the outfit more edge* (no he's not gay...perhaps he should've been).

with that in mind my plan of action was as follows:

1 - buy gel pads to cushion balls of my feet
2 - keep flip flops in purse in case i don't make it
3 - if worse comes to worst, put on choice #2

and here's what happened:

1 - bought dr. scholls gel pads
2 - realized they don't really cushion the balls of my feet
3 - changed to flip flops while driving (DO NOT RECOMMEND)
4 - changed back to wedges at venue
5 - back straight, shoulders back, chest out (rawr)...walked with my homie to find food
5a - calves began to throb (ruh roh shaggy)
6 - noticed cabbies, truck drivers, and the like giving me the slack jawed ogle
7 - felt like a hooker, stinging sensation grew in the balls of my feet (MAY DAY, MAY DAY...WE'RE GOING DOWN)
8 - changed into flip flops on somebody's stoop
9 - found food (Rare Bar & Grill chicken burger DO RECOMMEND)
10 - eventually changed into slides and threw those godforsaken torture devices into my trunk

really i brought this on myself. i knew it wasn't gonna work but i wanted to believe! i'm gonna try some different gel pads that actually cushion the balls of my feet. if that doesn't work these chumpies are indeed for sale. i'm determined to conquer heels though. i'm a grown ass woman and i need to learn how to make them work for me.
________________________________

*don't NEVER EVER EVER take shoe advice from a man. they don't care about your comfort and they don't see you in the shoe -- they just see a foot in a shoe. and they probably see that foot in the shoe in the air, on the wall or over their shoulder.

out of the mouths of babes

so yesterday i hosted my alumnae chapter's monthly meeting at my home and one of the women brought her daughter along. she's a precocious child, so tall for age that i can't remember if she's 4 or 5 or 6 and blessed with the gift of gab. i ended up sitting with her in the kitchen during meal time to keep her from 1) stabbing my chocolate cavity maker cake and 2)dropping food on my hardwood floor.

we conversed about a myriad of topics including what i put in the cake, what i put in the rest of the food, her neighbors, and my neighbors. she asked if my neighbors have any kids ("no") and are they getting any kids ("no"). then the conversation turned towards me...

do you have any kids?
no.
are you getting any kids?
no.
why not?
because i'm not married yet. you have to be married to have kids.

at this point her eyes opened real wide and rolled to the back of her head. then her neck swung to the right and came 'round back to the left as she sighed, "gurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl..." (she moved in close to my face)"...you mean you're not married yet?!"

this little girl sonned me in MY OWN HOUSE THAT I PAY FOR!

i couldn't do anything but laugh.

you're too old for me

i think i saw corduroy suit guy at the mall earlier this week. i can't remember if i ever shared the full story so why not do it now, eh?

a couple of years ago a friend (who is old enough to be my mom) set me up with a friend of hers from church. i wasn't dating anyone seriously at the time so i thought why not? y'know? she runs the stats on the guy - entrepreneur, christian, and about six years older than me. i didn't think this was a big deal because i have cousins and friends that age and they're cool. boy was i wrong.

sign #1 - he invited me to the ebony fashion fair show at his church. now, i've always wanted to go to one of these so it wasn't so bad. but he got there late and i ended up sitting with our mutual friend for the entire show. then she went to the diner with us afterwards. yes, ppl...i was on a chaperoned date with a 37 yr old man. i just watched the two of them talk.

sign #2 - he thought anchorman was weird. during one of our phone conversations he asked what my favorite movie was and at the time it was anchorman. well it just so happened that the movie aired on network television a short time after that conversation and he watched it (points for that). he thought it was weird and i was weird for liking it (i'll take those points back, thank you).

sign #3 - the corduroy suit. after a pitiful movie date i figured third time would the charm. he invited me to a boat show. i'd never been to one so i agreed to go. besides, it's not like i had anything better to do. the boat show consisted of climbing in and out of different boats in a big convention center. there were ladders and sometimes no guard rails involved. after slipping twice and only getting a "watch your step!" instead of a helping hand i was pretty much through with the boat show. oh, i forgot to mention that dude was wearing a corduroy suit. wide wales at that.

so after the boat show we go to lunch at one of my favorite restaurants. as we're sitting there i realize i'm not at all attracted to or interested in this man and i feel bad because the restaurant is not cheap. i'm thinking i can't go out with him anymore because he's spending money on me and i don't even like him.

and that's when it happened.

an older gentleman sitting at the table next to us got up to retrieve his cane from the corner of the room. he was wearing the EXACT SAME CORDUROY SUIT as homeboy. and the kicker was, dude stopped the old guy to say "that's a nice suit you got on there!"

just let that marinate for a while.




























uh huh.

my best friend's dad attends the same church as dude and he thought the guy was much older. george told me to never go out with him ever again. my mom and my sister *still* find the whole situation hilarious (it is). i haven't talked to the set-up friend since this all went down (what was she thinking??) this is the type of thing that happens to me whenever i say "why not?" i'm not gonna lie - it was nice to get out the house but ehhhhhhh.

and that's the corduroy suit guy story.

the end.

worst place on earth

you might know it as costco...i'd liken it to hell on earth. especially on a saturday. i knew better but didn't have much of choice. we were out of bottled water (don't judge my carbon footprint) and there wasn't any on sale at the grocery store. so i made the long trek to hell and made sure to park where lil v wouldn't get dinged. once inside i was accosted by oversized shopping carts, free sample mobs, and worst of all - slow moving ppl. o god i wanted to stab somebody. then on top of that there was this pushy asian man behind me on line "is this your cart?" hell yeah that's my cart stop touching it asshole. never again.

along the same lines, the following ppl should not be allowed at the mall:

-old ppl
-children
-old ppl with children
-couples
-couples with children
-ppl with strollers

again, i know it's my fault for going out on a saturday but that's when i had time. on a brighter note i did find a dress for the concert (sexy but tasteful, rashad...even my mom said so) and i got lots of cute earrings from old navy (!) and h&m. i might end up replacing the ear hooks on some of the earrings so they hang better. i also finally bought two urban decay metallic eyeliners i've been fiending over since christmas, in stash and baked.

no more saturday shopping for me though.

what happened to fall?

as i type this there are even bigger snowflakes falling from the sky. i'm talking at least an inch in diameter.

it's supposed to be 62°F on wednesday.

i swear i didn't do it

this was waiting for me in the driveway this morning.

umm...

cold weather or cat, i don't know. when we first moved in there was a neighborhood cat that used to leave mice near our doorstep. i always thought it was his way of letting us know he was doing us a favor. cool. but look at the little limbs...seems like he froze to death or something. i dunno.

of course now the question is, who is gonna dispose of the body?

not me, son. not me.

i hope nobody runs over it when they park this evening.

do not hump

i think i need to start carrying my camera everywhere with me. i see the most unbelievable things sometimes and sharing them would be much more effective with photographic evidence. like yesterday and today, i pulled into my parking space at work only to be greeted by five rather large turkeys. how funny would it be to see a photo of these turkeys on guard at the sound of my horn right below this sentence? and last week, i saw a police-escorted oversize load truck carrying what looked to be a huge electrical transformer with a label dead center that read "do not hump". you can't make stuff like that up! how would you even hump the thing? it's gargantuan and i didn't see any parts that looked humpable. now imagine how much funnier that would've been with an accompanying picture.

my camera phone sucks btw.

my hooptie

i met laverne in the fall of 1996. i was starting grad school and had qualified for an auto loan. since my school wasn't in walking distance i really had to get a car. i hadn't had much experience driving - i was already away at college when i turned 17 and got my license. with no car to practice on i was still pretty much a novice, even though i had taken behind the wheel my senior yr of hs (shoutout to mr. hicks!). laverne was my road dog.

we've been through a lot together. from the first time i drove her to school and scraped that car in the parking space next to mine to the spring break road trip from atl to chi to nj and back to atl - she's always been there for me. but vernie's getting older now.

lately she's been making a lot noise...embarassing me at drive-thru windows and such. despite that she's been a trooper. she made it all the way to bk and back on saturday. however, yesterday proved to be too much for her. while i was on my way to a meeting her brake light and battery light came on after i turned on the air. luckily i was just about to pass a sears so i stopped in to have the battery checked. turns out nothing was wrong with the battery but my alternator belt was dragging on the pavement. and the noise was coming from her vibrating heat shield (that sounds nasty) that the mechanic just cut off and threw away (that sounds really nasty in a different kind of way) she's better now but i was told that she needs new cv joints and tire rods in the front AND she has a "massive oil leak"* as well as a cracked pipe somewhere near the exhaust - all that's not gonna be cheap to fix at all.

i've been feeling for the past few weeks that me and vernie were gonna have to part ways soon. we've been together for 11 years and it may be time for her to go. i have no desire to take on a car note at this time nor do i wish for my car insurance to go up. i'm just getting my budget stabilized and i'd like to keep it that way for a while longer. what is i'm gonna do??

pssh.

*the mechanic's words, not mine. if it was massive i think i'd notice huge oil spots wherever i park. on another note, man was that mechanice fine. fine fine fine. i had visions of me lathering his greasy arms and hands with lava soap and scrubbing his grimey nails with one of those handled nail brushes until they were sparkly clean. sweet n sour sauce, indeed.

i've been a bad, bad girl

you ever walk into a store fully open to being finessed by the salesperson into buying whatever they push? yeah...that shit is dangerous. i was only supposed to buy some blot powder from mac and maybe a lip glass. i left the mall with the powder, lip glass, a creme pencil, two eyeshadows, a lip brush from the body shop, a pr of red wedge sandals from aldo (more than 50% off), and a chicken mole burrito.

:(

and yesterday i bought a dress to wear to my college roommate's wedding (it was a good deal though) and the day before that two sweaters from old navy (they were on sale). the whole point is i'm not supposed to be shopping. i've had trouble all this week practicing self-control. oh the cookies i've eaten!

but you know what? i'm not gonna dwell on this slip up. i'm gonna get right back on this horse and ride it in the right direction.

umm...

courtesy of the courier news:

Union County: Hip-hop church set to open in the city

The Church-n-the Hood, Plainfield's first hip-hop church, is scheduled to open its doors on Aug. 3.

The church will be located at 600 Cleveland Ave. on the corner of Cleveland Avenue and Sixth Street.

The Rev. LaDana Clark, aka Ladyjam (known for her songs "I Love Plainfield" and "God is in the Hood") said the first "Divine Access Praise Party" will begin at 8:30 p.m. with a DJ in Clark and her friends will be delivering God's message through music, dance, rap, and spoken word.

"This ministry is crucial to the planet! We live in a time when our young people are subjected to overwhelming negative influences. We want to remind young people and adults that all hip-hop is not negative, and the language of hip-hop can be used to promote positive messages that young people will listen to and understand." Rev. Clark says. "God can, and does, speak to each of us in the language that we understand. Hip-hop is a universal youth language."

For more information, visit www.ChurchNTheHood. org.

i really might have to go check this out.