sometimes i draw

once upon a time this guy* shared a story with me about his encounter with the elusive metro area water mammal known as the muskraton. this story inspired the second ever drawing competion on a certain messageboard. participants were to submit a drawing of their vision of the muskraton.

since i was ROBBED of the winner's title in the first ever drawing competion, i decided to be a judge for the second. being the competitive person i am, i couldn't help but draw my own version (even though it wasn't eligible for submission). so ladies & gentlemen, i present to you...MUSKRATON!

*drops curtain*



*you should really ask him to share the story with you if you haven't heard it already. it's wonderful.

out of the mouths of babes

so yesterday i hosted my alumnae chapter's monthly meeting at my home and one of the women brought her daughter along. she's a precocious child, so tall for age that i can't remember if she's 4 or 5 or 6 and blessed with the gift of gab. i ended up sitting with her in the kitchen during meal time to keep her from 1) stabbing my chocolate cavity maker cake and 2)dropping food on my hardwood floor.

we conversed about a myriad of topics including what i put in the cake, what i put in the rest of the food, her neighbors, and my neighbors. she asked if my neighbors have any kids ("no") and are they getting any kids ("no"). then the conversation turned towards me...

do you have any kids?
no.
are you getting any kids?
no.
why not?
because i'm not married yet. you have to be married to have kids.

at this point her eyes opened real wide and rolled to the back of her head. then her neck swung to the right and came 'round back to the left as she sighed, "gurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl..." (she moved in close to my face)"...you mean you're not married yet?!"

this little girl sonned me in MY OWN HOUSE THAT I PAY FOR!

i couldn't do anything but laugh.

kanye is insane

lol...how can anyone not love him?

from his blog re: the glow in the dark tour

I can't take it anymore. I have 2 show you guys a model of the stage. This is not a regular show. I tell people, hey, this show is gonna be crazy and they say, "I bet it is!", BUT THEY HAVE NO IDEA! People expect me to come with innovative stuff... I'm sure a lot of people expect some neon, lower east side, post everybody dressing like the 80's stuff or maybe the light up jacket from the Grammies, perhaps the robot girl and light spectacle they saw on Youtube from the European run. My friends..... NONE OF THE ABOVE!!! AN ENTIRELY NEW DESIGNED SET!!! ROBOT DESIGNED BY ACCLAIMED ARTIST CHRISTIAN COLON, CREATURE'S BY THE LEGENDARY JIM HENSON'S CREATURE SHOP, LIGHTING BY MARTIN PHILLIPS AND JOHN McGUIRE RESPONSIBLE FOR LAST YEARS FESTIVAL ANNIHILATOR, DAFT PUNK'S PYRAMID, POSSIBLY THE GREATEST LIGHT SHOW OF ALL TIME!! THANKS 2 PAUL, THOMAS AND GUYMAN FOR THE HOOK UP. SIDEBAR, MY SET DOES NOT HAVE A PYRAMID IN IT OR ANYWAY FEEL LIKE A BITE OF DAFT'S SHOW. WE'VE GOT HOLOGRAMS SHOT BY HYPE WILLIAMS!!! SAM SPIELGAL, MIKE DEAN, JEFF BAXTER AND I HAVE SPENT A MONTH AND A HALF RE-ORCHESTRATING EVERY TRACK 2 FOLLOW A NARRATIVE. WE'VE LEARNED TO SURVIVE OFF OF 1 HOUR OF SLEEP A DAY!

this negro broke into all caps. i can see the vein popping in his neck. i almost want to stop being cheap and buy a ticket. especially since i really wanna see n.e.r.d. (but really don't wanna see rihanna or lupe).

you're too old for me

i think i saw corduroy suit guy at the mall earlier this week. i can't remember if i ever shared the full story so why not do it now, eh?

a couple of years ago a friend (who is old enough to be my mom) set me up with a friend of hers from church. i wasn't dating anyone seriously at the time so i thought why not? y'know? she runs the stats on the guy - entrepreneur, christian, and about six years older than me. i didn't think this was a big deal because i have cousins and friends that age and they're cool. boy was i wrong.

sign #1 - he invited me to the ebony fashion fair show at his church. now, i've always wanted to go to one of these so it wasn't so bad. but he got there late and i ended up sitting with our mutual friend for the entire show. then she went to the diner with us afterwards. yes, ppl...i was on a chaperoned date with a 37 yr old man. i just watched the two of them talk.

sign #2 - he thought anchorman was weird. during one of our phone conversations he asked what my favorite movie was and at the time it was anchorman. well it just so happened that the movie aired on network television a short time after that conversation and he watched it (points for that). he thought it was weird and i was weird for liking it (i'll take those points back, thank you).

sign #3 - the corduroy suit. after a pitiful movie date i figured third time would the charm. he invited me to a boat show. i'd never been to one so i agreed to go. besides, it's not like i had anything better to do. the boat show consisted of climbing in and out of different boats in a big convention center. there were ladders and sometimes no guard rails involved. after slipping twice and only getting a "watch your step!" instead of a helping hand i was pretty much through with the boat show. oh, i forgot to mention that dude was wearing a corduroy suit. wide wales at that.

so after the boat show we go to lunch at one of my favorite restaurants. as we're sitting there i realize i'm not at all attracted to or interested in this man and i feel bad because the restaurant is not cheap. i'm thinking i can't go out with him anymore because he's spending money on me and i don't even like him.

and that's when it happened.

an older gentleman sitting at the table next to us got up to retrieve his cane from the corner of the room. he was wearing the EXACT SAME CORDUROY SUIT as homeboy. and the kicker was, dude stopped the old guy to say "that's a nice suit you got on there!"

just let that marinate for a while.




























uh huh.

my best friend's dad attends the same church as dude and he thought the guy was much older. george told me to never go out with him ever again. my mom and my sister *still* find the whole situation hilarious (it is). i haven't talked to the set-up friend since this all went down (what was she thinking??) this is the type of thing that happens to me whenever i say "why not?" i'm not gonna lie - it was nice to get out the house but ehhhhhhh.

and that's the corduroy suit guy story.

the end.

muahahahah...

*wrings hands*

so my halloween costume is coming together quite nicely all thanks to hak. there are a few more items i need to get and i'll be set. i tried it on last night and was overcome by a fit of giggles. i'm definitely gonna post photos after the wknd.

do not hump

i think i need to start carrying my camera everywhere with me. i see the most unbelievable things sometimes and sharing them would be much more effective with photographic evidence. like yesterday and today, i pulled into my parking space at work only to be greeted by five rather large turkeys. how funny would it be to see a photo of these turkeys on guard at the sound of my horn right below this sentence? and last week, i saw a police-escorted oversize load truck carrying what looked to be a huge electrical transformer with a label dead center that read "do not hump". you can't make stuff like that up! how would you even hump the thing? it's gargantuan and i didn't see any parts that looked humpable. now imagine how much funnier that would've been with an accompanying picture.

my camera phone sucks btw.